FAME AT LAST ???

A normal day,I sit about at home,sleeping,eating.watching T.V and more sleeping.Shall I save the world?: No! I’m too busy.it can wait until next week. Suddenly my phone rings,

“Hello this is Wesley Kerr at the BBC “ hang on thinks I, I’ve seen him on the Box “We’re doing an item about Community Care Charges could we film your comments?”

At last my chance for fame, coyly I say I’ll call him back after I’ve sorted things out. Straight away I call my agent, Should I do it? says I. Of course says Karen. Quickly I call Wesley (first names now), we fix a time when Karen is home.

At about 6.15 pm the cameraman and soundman arrive, at that time the BBC news is on the telly, I did that item says the soundman pointing at the telly. I was impressed. Anyway Wesley has yet to arrive so we just sit about talking. Apparantly they could be sent anywhere at the ‘drop of a hat’, exciting but not good for a home life says I. Yeah they agree,there’s only one person in their group still in their first marriage. In answer to one of the questions I explain firmly that I am not ‘confined to a wheelchair’ but I am a WHEELCHAIR USER, hope they take it on board and spread the word. Anyway we have a great chat until Wesley arrives. He’s a great bloke but work has to be done, so furniture gets moved and they ‘case the joint’ as shots are planned.

While I’m being filmed in the kitchen,Wesley and Karen go off to the bedroom (yes I wondered why). Later they reappear, Wesley asks if they can film me tomorrow in the shower as well. I am worried, I’m not into ‘skin flicks’; anyway what about my ‘artistic integrity’ but he puts my mind at rest, he and Karen have discussed it and promise not to sow my ‘dangly bits’.

Wesley now phones the Town Hall to arrange recording their reply about their charges.

“I understand you have a meeting of the Social Services Committee tonight, can we do it then?”

“How do you know that?”

“I’m a good journalist” says Wesley.

Now for the serious bit and the interview takes place. I am totally unrehersed (thank God it’s not live) but I do OK. It was all done in one take, just as well really because they were shorrt of film and one has to be cost-effective these days. They want do final shot of me gazing at our Wedding photo,

“NO! don’t do that, everyone will think that I’m dead” says Karen

So, with much arm twisting, Karen is finally persuaded to be in the report. At about 7.45pm, after asking me to wear the same clothes tomorrow (continuity you know!) they all leave in a three car convoy to the Town Hall with Karen at it’s head.

FRIDAY

We turn on the telly for the 7 o’clock news, and cor blimee, strike a light there we are at item 3. It was really strange to see your self on the Box. Quickly we set our video for the 8 o’clock news. Barbara and Beverley (the terrible twins of homecare) arrive and find out they are to become media people (luckily Barbara has just had her hair done).

At 8.15 the cameraman arrives and gets some underwater footage of me in the shower (Jaques Cousteau eat your heart out!) sort of Leyton’s Moby Dick.

Seriously though the item about Homecare charges was shown throughout the day. I can only hope that our comments will be heeded and charging for such basic services be scrapped completely.

The call from Wesley Kerr wasn’t just a ‘bolt from the blue’, he had called DIAL earlier for comment (apparantly Waltham Forest has one of thighest charges) and they had suggested that I might be helpful.

Ralph (hoping for an Oscar) Edmunds