Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this
bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as
it needs to be.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
Particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
Golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with Him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for
them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build
targets

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said,
"No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections." The last
one said, "No,
actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.

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